How to vent without sending the angry text

Some days someone makes you furious: a landlord, an airline, the person who took your parking spot. Sending that message rarely goes well.

Writing it out, and keeping it, lets you say it without the fallout.

Lincoln's hot letters

Abraham Lincoln had a habit of writing angry letters, which some historians call "hot letters", and then setting them aside.

The best known is to General George Meade, written after the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863, when Meade let the Confederate army get away. It was found among Lincoln's papers, unsent and unsigned.

How to vent in writing

Write to them directly, the way you'd say it.
Use capitals if you need to. Spelling doesn't matter.
Say exactly what made you angry, and why.
Keep it to one sitting. Ten minutes is plenty.
Then stop, and go do something else.

Write it once, then move on

Psychologists have found that dwelling on anger tends to keep it going. In a 2002 study by Brad Bushman, people who hit a punching bag while thinking about someone who had insulted them felt angrier, and acted more aggressively, than people who just sat quietly for a few minutes.

So write it once, fully, and then put it down. Come back to it later only to decide what, if anything, needs saying for real.

If it keeps happening

Everyone gets angry. If it's happening most days, or getting in the way of work or the people you care about, a counselor can help you sort out what's behind it.

Something you need to say?

Said, Not Read gives the angry message somewhere to land. Write it to them, hit send and watch it go through. It reaches no one, and with disappearing messages on, it clears itself away.

Make a contact, write it out, and watch it send.

Download on the App Store

Free on iPhone

Questions

Is it okay to write things I'd never say to their face?

Yes. That's the point of writing it privately. Nobody reads it but you.

Should I send a calmer version later?

Sometimes. Once you cool down, the vented version often shows the one thing that matters. If that still needs saying, a short, calm message is usually enough.