Said, Not ReadGet the appThe empty chair technique, in writing
The empty chair technique comes from Gestalt therapy, which Fritz and Laura Perls developed in the 1940s and 50s. Fritz Perls made the exercise well known in the 1960s. You sit facing an empty chair, picture a person in it, and talk to them out loud.
A therapist usually guides the exercise, and may ask you to switch chairs and answer as the other person.
Why talking to them is different
Speaking to someone is not the same as talking about them. You say "you" instead of "they", and the things you have been circling around tend to come out plainly.
Trying it in writing
If talking to a chair feels awkward, writing to the person works much the same way. Address them directly, in the present tense, as if they could hear you right now.
Keep going a little longer than feels natural. The part that matters often comes after the first few lines.
Answer for them, if you like
Part of the exercise is replying as the other person. You don't have to get them right. Writing what you imagine they would say, or what you wish they would say, shows you what you are still hoping to hear.
When to bring in a therapist
On your own, the exercise is a good way to rehearse a conversation or let off some steam. For bigger things, such as a loss or a family rift, a therapist can guide it and help with whatever comes up.
Something you need to say?
In Said, Not Read, a contact is your empty chair. Give it their name and a photo, then talk to them in a chat that looks like any other. The read receipts are pretend, and the conversation stays between you and your phone.
Make a contact, write it out, and watch it send.
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Questions
Is the empty chair technique only for grief?
No. People use it for breakups, family conflict, old friendships, and conversations they're nervous to have for real.
Can I do it without a therapist?
Many people try a light version on their own, out loud or in writing. Start with something small and see how it feels.