How to write an unsent letter

An unsent letter is a letter you write to someone and never send. Therapists and grief counselors often suggest one when there is something you need to say to a person you can't, or would rather not, talk to right now.

Nobody else will read it, so you can write without editing yourself.

Who to write to

Anyone you still have words for. An ex, a friend you drifted away from, a parent, a teacher, someone who has died, or yourself at fifteen.

It does not have to be about something hard. A thank-you you never got around to saying counts too.

What to put in it

Start with their name, the way you'd start a real letter.
Say what happened, in your own words.
Say how it felt then, and how it feels now.
Say what you wish had gone differently, or what you're grateful for.
End with what you want for yourself from here.

Write fast and fix nothing

Spelling doesn't matter, and neither does being fair. Write until you run out of things to say.

Many people find that a second letter, written a few days later, comes out calmer and kinder than the first.

What to do with it after

Some people keep their letters and reread them months later to see how much has changed. Some delete them the same day. Either is fine, because the writing was the point.

Something you need to say?

Said, Not Read turns the unsent letter into a text thread. Make a contact with their name, write in short messages the way you'd really text them, and watch each one go through.

Make a contact, write it out, and watch it send.

Download on the App Store

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Questions

Does writing an unsent letter help?

Many people find that putting a feeling into words makes it easier to think about. Psychologists have studied this kind of writing since the 1980s, often under the name expressive writing.

Should I ever send it?

That's up to you, and you don't have to decide today. If you still want to reach out in a week, the letter gives you a calmer draft to start from.